Kaleidoscope Dream

I had a wonderful sunday for the most part.My family and I went to NY to go pick up my grandma who just came in from mexico today and its been a while since i saw her, i love my g-ma. I also love Ny everytime im there i can’t help but to smile. I got some sushi that i have been craving for and i bought the book ” Heavier than Heaven” which is the biography of Kurt Cobain, that i have been longing to buy for the last month or two.  Saturday i passed the day with my best friend and preparing her for her prom. Her date is a total douche, if i do say so myself. And i cant believe that his bestfirend tried hooking up with me when he hooked up with her cousin a few weeks before. He ended up getting my number from her but i ignored; i dont play with them pretty boy types. And tomorrow i have no school !! woop woop :)

have you ever had a friend who is a close friend, one you call a best friend; who you feel uses you. I have this best friend since kindergarden that sometimes i feel like im being used my her. i feel like the ugly one out of the two. I feel like the only shoulder there to cry on ,the one to listen. I feel as though whenever were together she is always the one to talk and im always the one to listen and whenever i wanna talk i get cut off or i feel she isnt listening and doesnt care. I feel like were friends because we’ve known eachother since elementary school and we’ve been through a lot and the fact that her mom trusts me. We can go through months without talking and whenever we come in contact is when she needs me…when she needs to sleep over, when she needs someone to cover for her, when she needs someone to cry to. IM THERE. Shes been there for me dont get me wrong but she hasnt always been there for me like i have. Shes never been there for me at my hardest times in life. Im just saying have you ever had a friend like this? 

I decided to take this time to express who i am or at least i think i am. I am an interesting girl, different. My friends sometimes think that i don’t think about the dangers of the world and that i assume that everything is candy coated and nothing has bad intentions behind them; the truth is i do but ignore them or at least try not to think about them so they don’t hold me back from living my life. I came to the conclusion that my candy coated world may have came from a deprived childhood. For example: this year is the 1st time i ever been sledding in my life and i had my first sleepover girls night just last summer. I am trying to catch up with life. This year i tried to find myself…i still don’t really know. I know that i have an artistic side, a creative mind, a love for the arts. I have a large variety in music from 50’s doo woop to Screamo Metal. I am Obsessed with Paul walker and idk why, im convinced we’ll get married one day. I’m an innocent girl with bad intentions at times. I hate being alone but enjoy those times alone. I am a BIG BOOK NERD, one who will actually admit that they love to read and thatbuys at least one or two books like every other week.I’m emotionally unstable sometimes but am improving alot. I love to try new things. Change scares me but it has to come at one point or another and most of the times works for the best. I am not a conformist. I try to find the best in people and work with it. I am an unusual being.

i do not condone fighting. It even hurts me to see the people close to me fight; because i dont like seeing them get hurt. But if it comes to a point where you have to fight, fight with all your might, give it your all or you wont succeed at all. My dad tells me that if im ever in a situation where someones gets in my face and threats me to not even hesitate get right in and punch that bitch with courage,because if i stop to think and whimper in fear you already lost the game without even starting it. I have a temper and i spent years perfecting the skill of controling my temper in public areas due to the fact that it could lead to violence. I never hope to be in a violent situation but if it does come one day i just hope my dads words echoe through my head and i hope my brain absorbs those words of wisdom.

I have a big crush on Lee Dewyze; season finale tonight 5/25

i <3 Lee Dewyze

The last few weeks have been nothing but confusion. Who have i been listening to? My heart or my head?, you or them?

I want nothing more than to escape this stressing illusion that brings me back from time to time, cuz nothing comes out of lieing. But where do i find the truth? All i need is proof. Should I or Should I not? Could I or could I not? This is nothing that doesn’t need a little thought. But i don’t have the proof to escape this illusion. So now I’m left in all this confusion looking for a simple solution.

Theres a story about a girl

who met a boy

they were friends and nothing more

they started talking

and they couldn’t stop

They talked for hours

and even more…

They shared stuff about each others lives.

They had so many things in common

that it was as if they were reading eachother’s minds

They were afraid they would run out of things to say

But he promised her he wouldn’t let that happen.

She trusted him

And then weeks passed by

things were changing

They talked less and less

And those feelings they had were fading away….

She tried to bring them back

but she couldn’t feel them

he moved on.

And shes left all alone.

Thinking about how the boy she came to love is now

gone.